Starting Middle School: Advice for My Daughter, My Younger Self, and Anyone Starting a New Life Chapter

Summary:
In this episode of Wisdom for Wannabes, Jackie Morreale discusses the challenges of fitting in, especially during the back-to-school transition. She reflects on her own experiences with self-doubt and the importance of growth through discomfort. Jackie offers valuable advice for middle schoolers, emphasizing the significance of belonging, being present, and embracing one's individuality. She encourages listeners to find their community, not sweat the small stuff, and enjoy the journey of personal development. These six areas of advice apply to not only starting middle school or a graduate degree program, but also to anyone starting a new role, business venture, or chapter in their life.

This message has been lovingly made, and (thankfully) approved by my daughter. Go girl!

Takeaways:
• The transition back to school can be challenging for both parents and children.
• Self-doubt about fitting in is a common experience at any age.
• Growth often comes from discomfort and challenges.
• Creativity can be a powerful outlet for frustration and anxiety.
• You belong in the spaces you occupy; trust your journey.
• Being present is crucial for personal development.
• Embrace your uniqueness and let it shine.
• Building a supportive community starts with being a good friend.
• Don't let small setbacks overshadow your progress.
• Enjoy the journey of growth and learning.

Quotes:
• "You belong here."
• "Keep going."
• "You got this."

Chapters:
00:00 Navigating the Journey of Fit
04:14 Words of Wisdom for Middle Schoolers, especially my daughter!
​08:35 Embracing the Journey Ahead
​

Transcript:

Hi there, it's Jackie Morreale, the host of Wisdom for Wannabes. I am here today with some thoughts to continue in the area of fit. This time, let's talk more about fit in terms of fitting in. With back to school looming on most of us, here in Florida, we had back to school this week. We're on day three.

To all the parents out there who have survived changing schools: Congratulations.

This week some new stuff happened. I started middle school for the first time, for the second time in my life. I also started a graduate program for the second time in my life.

It seemed to me that either being 40 years old or 30 years old or 20 or 10, where you're going into middle school for your first day and everything is brand new, social structure is brand new. It's totally different than the sheltered beautiful experience that hopefully you had in your elementary years.

The question is always this: Am I going to fit in?

Why is it that we place this self doubt on ourselves about our fit as an integral piece of whatever community we're in? So whether that means:

• Am I wearing the right clothes?
• Am I going to hang out with the right friends?
• Am I going to make friends?
• Am I in the right program?
• Am I smart enough?
• Am I going to cut it?

Why is this, that no matter what program in school it is. If we're starting a new program, we have all this programmed self-doubt into ourself about our fit. Is it the right fit for us? Will we fit in? Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I dedicated enough? Am I interested enough?

Do I even care? So let's talk about that for a second.

Do I care? As parents, we care a whole lot.

It really stinks when you see your child going through some of the stuff that you hoped were just part of your own experience of adolescence, that you're hoping will just be irrelevant.

So why?

Why God have you put this middle school experience into all of our lives?

Why do we have to go through these years where we're constantly questioning ourselves and our fit and if we're wearing the "right" thing, if we're saying the "right" thing, if we're listening to the "right" music, if we're watching the "right" programs, if we have the "right" technology.... Why... can't we just skip it?

Wouldn't that be nice, moms and dads out there?

I have given this some thought. I think the reason is:
Change is hard, but we're here on earth to learn. Our evolution is necessary.

On the other side of discomfort, there's growth. If you are a creative person, try to take any sort of frustration that you might feel with going back to school or discomfort in a new role or a new situation, a new office. Try to take that extra energy that you're wasting on feeling frustrated, lost, anxious, and put it into your art, and create something really beautiful.

Maybe you'll look back on it later in your journey and say, Wow, wasn't that an interesting time that I was able to take those emotions and really make something beautiful from it.

There will be challenges, especially if you're a motivated person. If you're an ambitious person, expect challenges. How else are we to grow?

Are we to go from cute little babies in elementary school to functioning adults? There has to be something in between. There has to be this weird, ugly growth period, this place with padded walls, and all these blessed individuals who have chosen to go work with all these pre-teen and teenage people that are experiencing things in their lives.

Despite all these insecurities and trauma that comes out of this adolescent period in our life... How I can fit in my own way, and be myself authentically?

At the end of the day, I would like to offer a few words of advice for my child who just started middle school that she can watch any time that she wants to and who knows, maybe think a little bit differently about her own experience.

Words of advice that I wish that I could go back in time 30 years ago and tell myself on my first week of school.

Number one. I just got this in my own graduate degree program orientation and it was a really great reminder. You belong here. You've already paved the way. You've worked so hard. You are an integral piece of this community that you just joined. You belong here. No self-doubt about it. You are in the right place, for the right reason. This is your path that has led you here. Everything that you have done up until this point has led you here. Just continue on your path. Stay positive.

So lots of cliches coming our way. So first one, you belong here where you are.

Number two. Be present.

The past is over. Close it out. Close chapter. Learn from it.

The future is a gift. Don't worry about it. It'll come.

Be present. Today is the perfect opportunity to be the best version of you. Don't let anything behind you tie you down or anything in front of you slow you up. Be present today.

Stay focused. Limit your distractions. Know what you want. Our life is about knowing what we want and paving the way there. In Alice in Wonderland, the Cheshire Cat asked where she wanted to go, because any other path will take you there if you don't know where you're going. But if you do know where you're going, you'll get there. It's about manifesting.

So be present. Keep moving forward. Every day is a new opportunity to be you.

Number three. Let's talk about you. You're amazing. Be yourself.

Let yourself shine. Just like the Rihanna song, Shine bright like a diamond.

Everybody else is taken.

We're so worried about fitting into what our little small box is, that we can fit into. No small boxes. Be you.

Be big, shine bright.

Don't let anybody dull your sparkle, as one of my special colleagues has told me before.

Don't let anybody tell you who you are. You are the only one who can define who you are at that moment in your life.

Let's talk about community.

Number four. Find your community. It all starts with One, really. You're never alone.

If you want to find good friends, be a good friend. I wish somebody had told me that too. It's as simple as that. Put it out there, be a good friend, and you'll find your good friends back.

Let's talk about the Mean Girls. Unfortunately, that is a reality.

I thank Tina Fey for putting out there her Mean Girls movie that's gone to Broadway. It's such a quintessential adolescent drama that we can all watch and relate to. I love that she took that experience and made it creative, from a hardship that we can all identify with.

Mean Girls. Are they your friends? Do you know their names? Do you know anything about them? If they're not your friend and you don't know anything about them, why would you care what they think? What does it matter?

If we're not friends, whatever your thoughts are, are great for you only.

Number five, speaking of small stuff. Don't dwell on the small stuff. You're on such a big journey, a big path. Don't let anything keep you down. It does not matter.

If nine good things happen to us in one day. Why does the 10th thing anchor us and distract us from being productive or happy?

Why can't we cut the cord with that one thing and just focus on the amazing other things that are happening on our path of growth?

So don't sweat the small stuff. Don't dwell on it. It doesn't matter. We're talking big picture here.

Three years of middle school, it's quick. It's this chapter that's amazing and you're learning so much. You're growing up, you're going from baby to now teenager. And it's scary for all of us, including you.

Don't dwell on the small stuff. Dwell on the great stuff! In fact, if you have a mirror in the morning, tell yourself how great you are. 

You are so beautiful. 

This last one is probably the hardest because it's fleeting and we don't realize until afterwards.

Number six, enjoy the journey. You're going to learn so much and do so great. This is a stepping stone towards the next stepping stone, towards the next stepping stone. So you belong here.

In summary:

1. You belong here.
2. Be present. Every day is a new opportunity to be you.
3. Be yourself, every single day and let yourself shine.
4. Find your community. Be a good friend if you want good friends to come back to you.
5. Don't sweat the small stuff, brush it off.
6. Enjoy the journey.

It's so beautiful to see you grow.

If you're ever wondering:​ Am I good enough?

• Is this change right for me?
• Will I fit in?

Yes! You are enough. You got this. Keep going. This is only the beginning. Can't wait to see what happens next.